Everyone enters into marriage with certain expectations for their relationship. Expectations are your hopes and desires for what your mate will be like and what he or she will do. To enable your fiancée to better understand your expectations, each of you take a piece of paper and answer these questions by yourself.
I. Spiritual Expectations
A. What are your personal goals for your own Christian walk?
B. Has God called you to any specific ministries in the body?
1. If yes: What ministry?
2. How will you expect your mate to participate or help you in this ministry?
C. What kind of spiritual relationship do you desire with the person you marry? How will you expect your mate to minister to you spiritually?
II. Communication and Emotional Expectations
A. How will you expect your future mate to meet your needs for communication on a daily basis? When, where, and how?
B. Do you like to be left alone: most of the time, sometimes, or a little in each day?
C. Do you like to spend time with other people? How often?
D. Describe yourself: Are you more of an emotional person, a practical person, or a logical person? Explain your personally so your fiancee will know what to expect once you are married.
E. What emotional needs do you have?
F. What intellectual needs do you have?
G. How will you expect your marriage partner to meet these needs?
III. Financial Expectations
A. What are your goals concerning your profession while you are married?
B. If you have the choice, how will you use the family finances in giving? Will you tithe regularly? Will you give above your tithe to needy people and/or missionaries?
C. Do you feel the husband should have the sole responsibility in financial decisions and budgeting, or should this be done together? How do you expect to do this?
D. Will you have a joint checking account? Will you each have your own money and your own accounts or will all of your finances be in one common fund?
E. Do you believe in saving money on a regular basis? How much do you budget to save right now?
IV. Social Expectations
A. Are you the kind of person that is on the go most of the time, or are you more of a stay at home type of person? How will you expect your fiancée to accommodate you in this aspect of your personality?
B. What sports or fun things do you enjoy doing?
C. In what way will expect your spouse to participate with you in your recreational desires?
D. Are you the type of person who enjoys having people regularly over to your house for dinner and fellowship, or would this be a rare occurrence? How do you expect your future mate to accommodate you in this issue?
E. Do you have mutual friends that you can both equally fellowship with?
V. Family Expectations
A. Do you want children? How many? When? Why?
B. What expectations do you have for your future mate concerning teaching and disciplining the children? What forms of discipline do you expect to use in training your children?
C. Do you believe in having family devotions? Whom do you expect will lead these devotions?
D. Will you expect your future mate to pray with you at times other than meal time? When do you pray now with your fiancée?
E. Will the man be the head of the home? How do you see this practically affecting what goes on in your family?
VI. Sexual Expectations
A. So your future mate will know what to expect, how would you rate your sexual drive? Extremely high, high, medium, low, extremely low?
B. How often will you expect to have sex per week?
C. Will you expect your future mate to have sex with you whenever you ask?
VII. In-law Expectations
A. How often will you expect to see your in-laws; your parents?
B. How often do you expect you will have them in your home?
C. Where do you expect to spend Christmas and birthdays?
D. When there is a conflict between you and your spouse will you expect him/her to share this with his/her parents or keep this private?
E. Will you use your birth family as a model for your new family? If yes, in what ways?
VIII. So Your Fiancée May Understand You Better:
A. Name one thing that you disliked in your family upbringing that you do not want in your future family.
B. Name one thing that you liked about your family and do want in your future home.
IX. List 10 Reasons: Why I love you.
X. List 10 Reasons: Why I am ready to get married at this time in my life.
XI. Is there anything that you are fearful about as you enter into your marriage that might hinder your relationship?
XII. Important information to discuss.
So you won’t disrupt your future marriage with some unexpected concern, are there any major issues from your past that you need to discuss with your fiancée before proceeding with your marriage plans? Even though Scripture teaches us that if any man is in Christ he is a new creation and that all things have past away (2 Cor. 5:17), there are some things that can have an adverse affect upon your present relationship. Some examples of potential topics would be: medical issues such as AIDS, infectious hepatitis B or C, or any other sexually transmitted disease; financial issues such as previous bankruptcies or judgments against you in court, or any legal issues that will affect your future; relationship issues such as a child born from another relationship that may come back into your life after being released for adoption, or any previous marriages not disclosed. If one of these issues has occurred or anything similar, please discuss this information so your fiancée won’t be resentful in the future because you withheld this information. However, it is not necessary to rehearse all the details of your past, only the general issues that could affect your future relationship with your spouse.
Once you’ve both finished all these questions, trade papers with your fiancée, and go back and carefully read through his or her answers. As you read, next to each general heading from I - VI write an easy, difficult, or impossible as your response to your fiancées expectations. BE HONEST! Be assured, you will both remember the statements made here and the response given.
For more information concerning the ministry of Pastor Steve Carr please contact: firstname.lastname@example.org or www.covenantkeepers.org or P.O. Box 463 Arroyo Grande, CA 93421